


Madness at the Masquerade

by KaosKe



Series: Observing the Madness [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Awkward Conversations, Gen, Halamshiral, Humor, Screw Orlais, The Winter Palace (Dragon Age), Threats of Violence, Ultimately Josephine's worst nightmare, blatant cursing, booze
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 05:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3838963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaosKe/pseuds/KaosKe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Inquisitor wasn't the only one eavesdropping.<br/>Conversations the servants may or may not have over heard...<br/>For the right price...</p><p>This stuff might just bankrupt the Inquisition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Madness at the Masquerade

**Author's Note:**

> Just a bit of fun...

“This is pointless!" Sera

"Blondie would tell you it's only pointless if you walk away without blowing something up." Varric

**~ _really_ long pause~**

"I swear that was funnier in my head." Varric

"I'm pretty sure it was a bad idea to give our resident 'Red Jenny _Tempest_ ' mayhem advise... in a room full of Orlesian nobility..." Nyxx

"Well shit... If she blows up the ladies powder room don't tell Ruffles it was me..." Varric

"I won't tell... If you let me fire Bianca next time we're ass deep in Vents," Bull

"OH! GOOD ONE! I second that condition! Also, first dibs on every new chapter of Swords and Shields!" Nyxx

**~coughing~**

**~awkward throat clearing~**

"You know... for Cassandra..." Nyxx

**~muffled chuckles~**

"SHUT UP!! FUCK IT! I'm tellin' her!" Nyxx

~*~

**~gasp of horror~**

"Nyxx, the Herald of Andraste doesn’t go around performing ax kicks on Nobility on normal occasions! And certainly not at a politically important Orlesian Masquerade!" Josephine

 "I was wondering when you would begin to scold me," Nyxx

**~muffled shriek of suppressed fury~**

"Not soon enough, _clearly_!" Josephine

"Just so you know, Josephine, the Herald of Andraste does perform axe kicks on Nobility! Especially when she’s been called _rabbit_ all night by simpering-ly smug shits that look at her like she’d taste great bound, bowed, and trembling. Before stuffing her in an alienage to be slaughtered!" Nyxx

**~thoughtful pause~**

“On a side note Josie… How do you know what an ax kick is?” Nyxx

"Seriously Inquisitor! Just tone down the physical violence- Keep _smiling_ at least!” Josephine

 “That was a very ‘diplomatic’ side step you just did there, Ambassador,” Nyxx

**~strained pause~**

"Better?" Nyxx

**~muffled cursing~**

"NO! Maker's breath stop smiling like that, it looks like you intend to eat us." Cullen

“Good! That’s what I was going for! I want those smug shits to _know_ I _will_ bite back!” Nyxx

~*~

“Frigging shitebags! I'm going to rip off their balls and shov'em down the bastards’ throats!!" Sera

“No worries the soldiers will take care of them..." Nyxx

“They won't do the balls thing... it’s against their code, innit. ‘Sides Lady Josie would throw a hissy if they did..." Sera

"Alright, but make it quick. I'll keep watch-" Nyxx

“I can hear you, Inquisitor.” Josephine

“Crap…” Nyxx and Sera

~*~

"You did this?"Solas

"I was angry, I am somewhat volatile when angered." Nyxx

"I will endeavor not to anger you, _ma vhenan_ ," Solas

"Come now, as my most trusted elven manservant, you know very well you like it when I'm angry." Nyxx

**~sexy kissy noises, rustling cloth, and clink-y buttons noises~**

**~panicked screams in back ground, something about a bee hive in the cake~**

**~frantic clothes rustling and quickly receding footsteps~**

"CRAP! crap, crap, crap, crap! CRAP!! Josie's going to kill me!" Nyxx

~*~

"Why’d we leave so quickly? Eh? The show was just getting good. Let me grab a drink." Sera

"I believe you've had far too much as is," Solas

"I’m not drunk!" Sera

"Perhaps, but you admit you drank too much," Solas

"Ay! It was really good booze..." Sera

"Hey! Careful, the stairs are there!" Nyxx

"I’m not a kid; I can walk on my own." Sera

"You’re right a kid would be cuter!" Nyxx

“Piss off! I wasn't done drinking!” Sera

“Hey Varric! I think I have a great story idea for you! You should really consider writing a fairy-tale about a time when Sera wasn't such a whiny little Bitch!" Nyxx

~*~

“I fuckin’ told you Not. To. Fuckin’. Move.” Nyxx

“I’m friggin’ sorry! I musta missed the friggin’ meeting where you were made the friggin’ boss of me… ha!! I win! I said frig more!” Sera

“You've got to be fuckin' kidding me!! Are you fuckin’ serious?!?! Grahh! This is not a fuckin’ contest!!” Nyxx

“Oh yah? Frig frig friggity frig friggin’ ffrriiggg! Ha!! Still winning!!” Sera

“There was a meeting. You're the reason we had the meeting. You  _were_  there. We played rock- paper- shears. Nyxx lost…” Varric

**~angry agonized tone~**

“When I put out rock and saw everyone else put out paper, I really wanted to break their paper with my rock…" Nyxx 

"Hey, at least she didn't blow anything up." Varric

"Seriously!? The nights not over yet! Besides that's all on you. I think Bianca's looking forward to our girls night out... In fact, I'm gonna buy her somethin' pretty to wear." Nyxx

~*~

"Hey! I saw these guys earlier! What the hell were they doing here?" Nyxx

"Hard to say. Whatever it was they're a bunch of well prepared dead guys now..." Bull

"I think- ...there is something in their mouths..." Solas

~*~

**~freaked out whisper~**

"Crap... SERA!! We need an explosion," Nyxx

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Josie... I hope the Inquisition pays her well...


End file.
